Marriage as a word

I'm 9 years into a marriage now and wondering why there is all this argument over the rights of people to be married, rights for marriage to be recognized, etc.

I think everyone's missing out on the more meaningful words, which are 'partner' and 'partnership'. Nine years into marriage, and it's the partnership that is most important to me. I remember about a decade ago I was working one day and one of my colleagues said she had met a former classmate and her 'partner' over the weekend. That kind of set me immediately wondering if this person's 'partner' was male or female. Because surely, if it was her boyfriend, wouldn't you just say 'boyfriend'? Or, fiancee? Why use partner unless you are struggling for a way to describe something? Or maybe they're living together but not married, because then you'd say 'husband' or 'wife' - for some reason it seemed weird to describe a spouse as someone's partner. I was engaged at the time - and for some reason would not have thought to describe my this person I was planning to join my life with as my 'partner'.

It wasn't always so complicated. When I was a child in school, we were always encouraged to pick partners. We 'partnered up' - we had partners for walking down the hall, partners for homework and reading and activities in gym class. We didn't choose husbands or wives, or girlfriends - we chose partners. It didn't matter whether you chose a boy or a girl - of course most people chose a same-sex partner, because there was quite a stigma to being partnered up with someone of the opposite sex. Heaven forbid all your friends tease you for having a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Today I am watching an interview with a same-sex couple and the discussion, as it always does - turns to the definition of marriage, etc. They weren't in favor of having any name other than marriage for their partnership. They said - it's like in the past where the white people and black people couldn't drink from the same fountain, sure everyone gets water but the point is not to let the black people taint the water from the fountain for the white people. And it is the same with marriage, by giving it a different name, you're separating because you fear that the word marriage will be tainted by the same sex couples using it.

I completely disagree, I don't think there is any taint to using it. I just think a better more accurate word is in order. I'm very attached to the word 'marriage' to describe my relationship with my husband, because its something I did in a Church before God, and actually according to my belief system - it means a partnership between myself, my husband and God. That is what it means to me, but of course I understand it's completely different for other people. There are plenty of marriages out there where God is not the third partner, and I don't think that 'taints' my marriage. Whatever - that's MY definition, and I don't expect everyone to use it the same way I do.

What is becoming more clear to me as the years go by is that the partnership is most important - without that, do you really have a marriage? How many married people would describe their spouse as a partner? We're worried that the definition of marriage is being tainted - what about partnership? It doesn't matter who you choose, but rather by how you behave as a partner. Building strong partnerships will strengthen the definition. What if we started to really think as partners, and to make a commitment (hopefully lifelong) to this partnership?

Maybe we need to ditch the arguments about marriage and the definition. It means different things to different people, and I don't think it's the government's business to define or change it. But it is the government's business to recognize partnerships - and to treat all people the same regardless of who they decide to partner up with. So, let's just all pick a partner. And if you would describe your partnership as a marriage because you had a wedding, then good for you, whoever you are. But if it's just this word we're all arguing about, I have to wonder if maybe what everyone really wants is a partner, and a partnership. They want their partnership to be recognized by the government and respected equally. It's just like when we were in school - choosing a partner doesn't in any way imply whether you should be picking a boy or a girl. We need to use a word like that. It seems to be more fitting than marriage, anyway.

The month of MAY

So, obviously Evan is being five months old for most of this month, and it's a busy one. We had that trip to Minot, several birthdays for Madeleine, Mother's day, Evan's baptism, and our first trips to the lake for the year. Oh, and this other little project, which is actually so big, it deserves its own post.

Madeleine seems to think that turning eight has made her into a babysitter, so she's gone from holding him on the couch, with supervision - to picking him up and carting him around with her everywhere. He doesn't seem to mind at all - he's getting sick of laying in the same place and no longer cares who picks him up as long as he is up. I'm still trying not to have a heart attack every time he's not where I left him last.


The weather's getting nicer and so we have been out with the stroller a few times, it never fails that Evan will fall asleep before we get home. I am not sure if it's the stroller or being bundled up so tight but I guess we'll find out when it warms up.


He put up with the whole baptism thing, actually sort of acted like he was interested for some parts of it. Didn't scream until we wanted to take family pictures at the end. So that didn't happen.



I do have an update on Evan's size and weight since he went for another round of immunizations and was weighed and measured by the health nurse. He was pretty friendly with her, so he must forget how these visits end. He was 18 lbs, 2 1/2 oz on May 6, 26 1/2 inches long.


He's not rolling over yet, I can't remember when babies are really supposed to do that - I am sure he could if he put his mind do it, but he's just not that into it. He somehow manages to rotate himself around on the floor so his feet are where his head was ten minutes ago, but he hasn't bothered rolling. I can only assume it's because he hates being on his belly, so why would he put himself that way on purpose?

Happy Mother's Day

We spent Mother's Day out of the country - we went to Minot, ND for the weekend because there's a hotel there with a waterslide park and a mall attached, and a Target in the mall, and a Wal-Mart that is open 24 hours, and that is a good combination of things for a weekend away with the kids.

Unfortunately, the hotel always makes us check out at noon on Sunday, and we weren't nearly done with the shopping and all of that - which means that we spent the afternoon hauling 4 kids around the mall with us. I sent the oldest 3 with my husband to the food court for something to eat and to play in the kids' room, and I took the baby and ran through a few stores madly grabbing things while he slept soundly. I got to the checkout in the first store with an armful of ridiculously cute and cheap baby clothes to find that I didn't have my credit card, I'd left that with my husband at the other end of the mall.

And the day just carried on like that - we ran around like crazy with the kids in tow, in and out of the van, from store to store. Evan had a blowout diaper in Wal-Mart and I had his diaper bag and a clean outfit but no wipes. And three little girls running around the public washroom with huge lengths of paper towel trying to 'help'. Just stuff like that which is only made better by people constantly saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me wherever we went because it was likely obvious that I was the mother of all these kids, because nobody in their right mind would willingly take someone else's offspring shopping all day. Despite all that, we managed to get everything on the list, and even got Madeleine's ears pierced, we fed everyone and packed the van and were out of the city by 5:00. Not bad!

Madeleine started making the cringe face before they even touched her ears -
and then suddenly, it was done!

So, we loaded up the van and headed across the border (where once again, I fumbled on the question of how many kids we have, and Serge laughed at me, again) and they don't stop us for long at all because it just seems like too much trouble, which is right - and that is good. We made it back home by 8:00 and droppped in to say Happy Mother's Day to Memere, and threw our filthy kids in the shower to clean them off for school tomorrow, and cleaned Madeleine's earrings and phoned Grandma to say Happy Mother's Day to her, too, and got everyone in bed, and that was good, too.

I wanted to just relax but a trip like that leaves a pile of laundry waiting to be done and a pile of shopping bags stacked on the kitchen table - so I started to get at that when I noticed a big juice box wrapped with duct tape and an envelope that says "Happy Mother's Day" on the outside. I had to take the chance that it was for me. And, inside...


Now, just to figure out how to work the thing! I'm so excited! I can only assume it is to block out the kids if I have another day like I had today! YESSSSSS!!!

So, four months now?

An outfit that all his sisters wore at one time - they always looked like boys in it

See the little change-up in the title? I'm always thinking of new ideas like that. Just to keep things interesting. I figured 12 months of "Baby at X months" might get a little dry.

Anyway, so obviously, he's 4 months old now. And currently going aaaarrragh, arragaaahhh, raaaaaahhh!!! RAH! in his exersaucer. So hit save and come back later, I guess.

Someone who doesn't have a pukey baby might have changed his shirt

Soooo, much later, we're continuing. I have nothing to add about his dimensions, because he hasn't been weighed or measured recently. The old familiar complaint about him continuing to grow out of clothes - he seems to be long in the body, still in size 2 diapers but will probably be moving up a size soon. Everything's 3-6 months for his clothes, much of the stuff that says '3 months' probably doesn't mean 'to six months' as the wrists and pant legs are getting short. I need to go shopping for sleepers and things - the seasons are changing and I don't know what to buy for pants and shirts but I do know he can still wear sleepers in the summer so those seem like a safe bet.

He's liking his Bumbo seat and the exersaucer a lot - he must be longer than his sisters as he stared out one button up in the exersaucer, I stuck him in there on the lowest setting and his feet were flat on the bottom so he needed to go up a notch right from the start. He can move himself in a circle slowly so I wonder if he'll ever get the hang of spinning madly like Annique did? Maybe she'll show him how.

His fine motor skills are coming along very well - his arms seem to move at random, but his fingers are very precise. He has trouble getting his hands to something that he wants, but once he's touching it - he is good at grabbing and holding and moving things with his fingers. He can always grab the chain around my neck or the strings on my hoodie

Evan's still spitting up more than I think he should, because not at all would be my preferred option, of course. But it really is a lot and I am sure he must have reflux or something. I've been told that his dad spit up like that all the time when he was a baby so I guess I shouldn't complain about having only one out of the four kids inheriting that gem from him. Seems a giant waste of milk so I'm glad we're not paying for formula at this point. And also glad it doesn't stain because we'd all need a new wardrobe and possibly new carpeting, bedding and furniture if it did.

He's laughing out loud a little more lately - mostly if you tickle him around the ribs or really put in an effort, or ask him something funny like "Did you pee on your dad?" - then he'll laugh about that. Because it IS funny. He loves questions.

Mr. Popular with the girls, already. Unfortunately they're all his sisters.

He got himself into this nice habit of sleeping from about 10 until 6 or 7 am, that went on for a week so I did the stupid thing and bragged about it on Facebook, and he hasn't done it again since. He's been getting up at 1:30 and/or 4 or whenever he darn well feels like it, for the last three weeks or so. He goes back and forth between his bed and ours because I'm too tired to move him when he falls asleep back in our bed -but if he doesn't fall back asleep and his arms want to wave around and he wants to talk, then I move him to his bed. I'd really like for us to figure out some kind of routine because nights are just a blur. The only thing he seems to have figured out is that he'd like to be awake for the day at 7:15. For sure. And he doesn't seem to care that his mom and sisters and would like to sleep until eight.

Evan at 3 months

Hurry up, lady - I'm cold!

Dimensions: 14 lbs, at least. He was weighed at his first immunization about 10 days ago, and was 14 lbs. He will start wearing size 2 diapers when we run out of the 1/2 diapers in a day or so. He's out of all his newborn clothes and wearing 3 months and up, including a couple of things that say 6 months on them. And looking at his 6 month old cousin, I have to say that's just faulty labeling.

Getting to the end of the 'evil' 1-2 diapers

I think pretty soon he's going to decide he doesn't want to sleep with us anymore. He's doing the things the girls all did around 3-4 months, starting to sleep with his arms all spread out instead of tucked in, doesn't need to be swaddled quite so much anymore, and seems kind of mad that we're in his space when he wakes up in the middle of the night. One thing he's NOT doing, though - is sleeping long enough to really make the move worthwhile. He's had a good long stretch of sleep one or two nights, but he's not making a habit of it. He's got a bit of a cold and we all know how much fun it is to sleep with a cold, so maybe he's just mad about that waking him up, too.





I'm not supposed to be complaining much right now so I can't really whine about his clothes not fitting, but that's still going on, too. He's not rolling over yet - he hasn't taken it on as a project. He'll get kind of close but its just by accident. I think when he figures out he wants to roll over, he'll be able to do it pretty quick. His hands are a lot busier these days - they can find eachother so he spends lots of time holding hands with himself. And he can purposely steer his hands to his mouth, which makes him happy too because he can gnaw on them and drool all over the place. We've been calling him Monty Burns because he likes to clasp his hands together and hunch over them.

Last month I thought he was a champion burper, now he's honed that skill to become a champion puker. I wonder sometimes why he even bothers eating if he's just going to spit it all up whenever he's vertical. I'm giving up on ever having a clean shirt, or ever having him in a clean shirt, because he's now become quite skillful at throwing up on himself. His timing is impeccable, I am not exaggerating at all when I say he will spit up on a new outfit before I even have a chance to do up the last button or snap. It's like he can't stand to wear anything unless he spits up on it first. I still think he generally smells okay but I am not sure anyone else would agree.




His eyes are looking less blue. At this point I will be pretty surprised if he ends up with blue eyes. They're certainly not brown yet, but they have that muddy color that Annique had. A few weeks ago in certain light they were so blue that I couldn't believe they'd ever turn brown. But now - they're muddy no matter what he's wearing or where he is. His hair, on the other hand - looking blonder every day. He's getting some long, fine hair that I suppose has been on his head since he was born, and since that was 3 months ago - its just getting pretty long now. Then he's rubbed off a spot on the back of his head - the usual baby-bald spot. That makes me kind of sad because the back of his head was so cute with hair on it. I know it will grow back eventually.

today's soundtrack

So, today I turn on the news and hear that Steven Page, the front man for the Barenaked Ladies, is calling it quits, and going solo or something like that. And I'm kind of sad about that because I've become a particular fan of theirs in the past 6 months or so. It all started when we went shopping for a CD in August - Serge bought Bob Dylan's greatest hits, and since there was a 2 for something sale, I picked up this one:


I've really enjoyed my kids' music up to this point. They listen to a lot of our music, and I'm careful when picking music that's for them. You won't see me throwing in Barney's greatest hits or anything like that. Heaven forbid they decide they like it. I won't buy them any music unless I'm sure I can put up with it. I used to be embarrassed to say I enjoy it - but the more I hear it, the more it reminds me of my kids, and the more I know I'll look back on the times when we drove all over everywhere with music on blast in the van, and I'll remember those songs fondly. It started out with Baby Mozart when they were little, moved on to Carmen Campagne, the Wiggles, and Fred Penner. Even after hearing some of those songs one bazillion times - I still kind of like them. I can't not love Rockabye your bear. I can't not smile when I hear Quack-quack-quack-cock-a-doodle doo. But, time marches on and the big girls are too big for the Wiggles, for sure. Yet, I'm not ready to commit to High School Musical and Hannah Montana, either. We needed a new something we can all agree on. I've always liked the Barenaked Ladies, and I can see how their style and sound could appeal to kids - so I picked it up.

That was August, and its been a lot of months from then until now, and Snack Time continues to grow on me. Pollywog in a Bog is by far our favorite, and even when I was 8 months pregnant and waking up at 3 and 5 and 6 am to go pee, and in the early morning fog, my head was singing "Ribbit, ribbit, a tadpole exhibit, its a transformation no one can inhibit" - it was still okay. I didn't tire of it. I still didn't cringe when Annique yelled for "lil' pog" for the tenth time in a row.

I'm providing this video so that you, too can have "lil'pog" playing in your head at 3 am.
Don't thank me now.

Its good stuff for kids, lots of big, interesting words, great topics, fun sounds, and they're getting smart, learning about the life cycle of a frog, and all. Who cares that there are songs about deadly and unspeakably violent ninjas? If I cared about that, I'd probably care that the band is called Barenaked ladies (giggle, giggle - I told them that) and the lead singer is up on drug charges for cocaine possession or something (yikes! I didn't tell them that!) - and I don't, because this is good stuff for my kids. We like being the Partridge family with music blaring out of the van while it rolls down the highway.

Anyway, with today's announcement - there goes all hopes that I'll get to take the kids to see them live - we've seen the Wiggles, Fred Penner and Carmen Campagne. And also, any hopes for a follow up to their brilliant Snack-time album. I am sure 20 years ago they never thought they'd be writing children's music, and doing such a damned brilliant job of it. Because if they did, they probably wouldn't have called themselves the Barenaked Ladies. I wonder what my kids will think of "If I had $1,000,000?" - I guess there are still a lot of BNL songs out there that are old to me but will be new to them. We'll cope.

baby at 2 months

Dimensions:
I have no idea of his height/weight size, but he wears a size 1 diaper and has grown out of all his newborn clothes, of course you know that because I already whined about it a few posts ago. He's wearing 0-3 month clothes which don't have much extra room, and starting to fit into some 3-6 month stuff quite nicely. All I have to say about that is, when he's 5-6 months old, those things still better fit him.


Coordination:
Already more coordinated than his mother. Excellent. He can grasp things with his hands and his hands like to go in his mouth, of course. He hangs on to my clothes when I'm carrying him around the house - I keep forgetting when I try to put him down somewhere that he may still be attached with a fistful of my shirt or something.



Strength:
He's still very pushy - doesn't like to rest his head anywhere unless he's sleepy, otherwise he pushes as far back as he can to allow for the maximum view of the world around him. He still has three sisters to keep track of, and it's a lot of work.

Attitude:
What a smiley little guy we have - it doesn't take much to get him to smile, and he's making a few of those 'goo' noises that only little babies can make and still sound smart. That doesn't stop me from making 'goo' noises at him to see if he'll copy me - hopefully nobody's listening.

Sleeping:
All anyone really cares about is how well he's sleeping, right? Well, at night - not so bad. He dozes off at around 9-10 pm I guess, and I lay him down on the couch because he'll freak out on any truly flat surface, like his playpen - then I'd have to pick him up and rock him again and spend another half hour getting him to sleep. So I put him on the couch and wrap him up good and tight so he thinks he's still being held, and he usually sleeps until about 1:30 - then I bring him to bed and feed him and he'll sleep until 4:30 at best, sometimes right until 6:30. Not a bad stretch. Then he gets annoying, waking up at least every hour until the girls get up at 8:00. He will always wake up between 7:24 and 7:27 every. single. morning. just to make sure he gets fed one more time before the morning rush.

Special Talents:
-Burping. He's a champ. With the girls, I would start the first month or so pounding on their backs like moms do after every feeding, and usually - nothing. Now and then they'd give up a little burp or a huge one, or spit up all over the place. Evan will always have a huge, satisfying burp, and if you have a burp cloth handy, it will probably be dry. If you don't, he'll spit up all over the place. He's especially talented at spitting up on everyone and everything but himself. In a day, he can create a huge pile of laundry - blankets, my clothes, burp cloths, towels, etc. - but he'll still be in the same outfit.

-He's also quite good at throwing up into his ears.

-He has an altitude sensor, knows without opening an eye if he's being put down.

-Being cute. He's pretty good at that, too.